Mike's Mission – Finding my place in the Son

Two funerals in 3 days.

The first, for my friend Dick, was on Saturday afternoon.  Dick was a great guy and everybody loved him.  Always positive, usually smiling and never without a word of encouragement, he loved his family with out boundaries and faithfully served the Lord and those that God put in his path.  The sanctuary was full of friends who gathered from near and far with the intent of celebrating a life well lived.  People smiled and laughed as stories and memories were shared. His wife of 60 years even got up, thanked everyone for being there and shared how blessed she was to have been married to this loving and caring man of God.  In spite of the loss the atmosphere was up beat and culminated in an old-timey ice cream social following the memorial.  Dick had a long, wonderful life and everyone who knew him was better for it.  He was 87.

But what about Bob?

His funeral was Monday. Bob too was a great guy!  As the person charged with sharing some reflections on his life said, “Everyone who called Bob friend was made to feel like they were his best friend.”  He was that kind of guy;  funny, smart, witty, caring, giving, selfless, humble… the list goes on.  He was madly in love with his wife and gave of himself to many organizations making a difference in our community.  He was a strong man of faith and used that lens to view the world around him. But in contrast, the large crowd that gathered in honor of Bob weren’t laughing and cutting up.  There was a much more somber air in the room.  Faces resembled that of a deer in the headlights as people tried to wrap their minds around this sudden and unexpected loss. Eyes filled with tears and muffled sobs were heard throughout the sanctuary.  His wife, so consumed with grief, was barely able to carry herself down the aisle. And although he and Dick shared many qualities we would all aspire to, the atmosphere was dramatically different… and there was no ice cream social.

He was only 47… How do we make sense of that?

Both men were givers.  Both were kind and caring.  Both loved God and both held a priority of serving others.  Why then would God see fit to give Dick 87 years and Bob only 47?  It doesn’t make any sense. I mean, we look at Dick and thank God for his many years and although we grieve his passing, there is a sense of fairness in his longevity.  We applaud the idea of his hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant” on his arrival to his reward.

But what about Bob?

Bob was in his hay day of being able to contribute to the betterment of mankind… and yet…  His passing leaves my head, and I am sure the heads of many others, full of questions and frustrations.  I am sure Bob got the same “Well Done” greeting that Dick received and perhaps therein lies the answer I seek.

We search the scriptures and find famous passages that tell us that God’s ways are higher than our ways, and I believe that.  BUT that doesn’t help me to make sense of this. And frankly it makes me a little mad. Why does one great guy get 87 years and another only 47.  They were both operating out of a servants heart and impacted the world for good. To put it in sports terms,  I would think that God would want as many of his team players on the field as possible. In my eyes Bob’s playing career was far from over.  How does it make sense to pull a star player out of the game when he was consistently advancing the ball down the field.

Obviously, I am not God.  I will probably never find an answer that completely satisfies my question, “Why”?  This situation is not fair… at least from our standards. I sometimes have a tendency to want to create God in MY image instead of the other way around.  I want him to be fair and equitable and that is just not the way things always happen.

So what do I do? What choice do I have?  I can stomp my feet and shake my fists to the heavens but it won’t change a thing.  Perhaps I just need to change my perspective.

Maybe it is not about how long, but how well we live.  Maybe it is about taking advantage of every minute available to love one another and extend a helping hand.  Maybe it is about trusting God in the tough, hard to understand parts of life even when we can’t make sense of it.  If we believe, as the Bible says that God is Love, and everything he does and allows is based in that love, the we have to trust in his wisdom that somehow, the ultimate outcome will be just.

Today, that thought feels more like words than a true reconciliation in my spirit. I am still a little bit mad at God because I am selfish and will miss my friends.  But that does not change my responsibility to seek him and come to know him better each day… I must trust him as my God and my creator, whether it makes sense to me or not.

I am sure Dick would tell me to relax, and that he is in a better place.  He would encourage me to carry on with the mission as God reveals it to me.  And he would tell me quit wasting time, because we are not guaranteed tomorrow and to base my life in love and service to my family, my friends, my community and the world… and in that I will find peace.

So what about Bob?

I am sure Bob would say the same.

My friend Bob died last night.  The memo to his former colleagues said he died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Bob was one of the good guys. We worked together for many years. He was a kind, thoughtful, caring man who was well liked by many and loved by most… and then suddenly and unexpectedly…

Bob was a witty man, and I liked that.  His dry sense of humor always drew at least a wry smile from me. He gave back to his community without reservation and and his generous nature made him a joy to be around…. and then suddenly and unexpectedly…

Bob was one of only 2 colorblind TV directors I ever worked with.  He had a beautiful wife and loved his dogs.  He was 47…. and then suddenly and unexpectedly…

Today, I just can’t get past those words… suddenly and unexpectedly.

We all have “suddenly and unexpectedlies” to face as we march ever forward through life. Some wonderful and thrilling; others tragic and heartbreaking.

“Time and tide wait for no man.” Chaucer

Ironically, while typing that quote I got a text that yet another dear, dear friend passed yesterday. And though, he was up in years and had been declining for a while, the news to me was sudden and unexpected.  I am doubly broken hearted.  No matter what we do time will go on and then, “suddenly and unexpectedly”…

“Suddenly and unexpectedly” is part of life I guess and maybe that is for the better. I have often felt that if we knew the future, good or bad, we would probably screw it up. However in hindsight, it is comforting to see how God has prepared us to face the “suddenly and unexpectedlies” to come.

In reality “suddenly and unexpectedly” can bring out the best in us.  “Suddenly and unexpectedly” often calls for a response.  “Suddenly and unexpectedly” opens our eyes to see clearly those things we might otherwise brush by or gloss over.  “Suddenly and unexpectedly” causes us to evaluate our priorities and determine what is important..

Without belaboring the point, I wanted to encourage us all to consider what impact “suddenly and unexpectedly” can have on our lives.  How do we prepare? Can we prepare?

I don’t know. But I do know this. We can be there for each other as life deals the cards. We can love and give and listen and pray and ride out the storm with those we love.

We take God at his word when the Psalmist wrote,

^{Psalm 34:17} The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
¹⁸ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;

And we can’t always make sense of it.  We cry out to the starlit heavens, WHY?  … only to hear the crickets chirping in response.  We can’t always answer why; we must simply trust that it will all work out for the good… in His timing… often suddenly and unexpectedly.

Isaiah 55:8-9“ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

When “suddenly and unexpectedly” occurs, we will get through it.  The Beatles made it simple… “I get by with a little help from my friends”.  And I want to thank all those who have responded to me in times of “suddenly and unexpectedly”.  I love you.

Finally, let me pose the question to you.  If “suddenly and unexpectedly” comes to you personally, and your time is up, what then?  That’s one “suddenly and unexpectedly” you CAN prepare for.

Godspeed Bob.  Godspeed Dick.  I will miss you both.

You are probably familiar with the next line from Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s famous sonnet…  “Let me count the ways…”  And originally, when I started this post 2 weeks ago, that was my intent.  I thought I would write about ways to share the love God calls us to share.  You know, the to talk about being kind, and generous, and unselfish toward others including your spouces, partners, children, co workers, inlaws, outlaws and even your enemies! Making spontanious acts of kindness in unexpected ways.  Cool, right?

… But that is not what what I need to talk about.

You see, as I began to write, and think, and pray, and read and search out what God was was trying to pound into my thick head, the perspective and scope of the story changed. I only THOUGHT that I understood enough about love and had done enough loving Christian things to write about it… I realized the misunderstanding when I peaked behind the curtain of my actions and caught a glimpse of something in myself that gave me a start… There, looking back at me beaming with accomplishment and obedience was the answer to the actor’s consumate question, “What’s my motivation?” …

It was pride….    PRIDE???!!!    It can’t be!  I am the most humble guy I know!

I had to look closer.  There are many times when I “count the ways” I love, that the “whys” seem to point back to “what’s in it for me?” “Do I look good when I do this?”

The wheels began to turn… the tumblers clicked into place and with a loud clunk (that turned out to be the sound of me slapping myself up-side da head as a flash bulb went off in my brain) I began to see things “through the looking glass”.

Performing a loving act does not necessarily indicate love. Embarassingly, I have first hand knowledge of this concept.  Love is not in the act it is in the heart and serves as the motivation for EVERYTHING good God is calling us to.

The other day, my wife and I went downtown to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch.  As I left the car to pay for my parking at the street-side kiosk, I passed a homeless guy leaning against the building.  As I hurried by him in the cold, I heard him say something about helping him out. That usual feeling of obligation swept over me so as I stood at the machine to pay my parking I reached in my pocket and pulled out a couple bucks and handed them to the man as I went back to put the parking receipt in the windshield of the car.  He reached out as I approached and I slipped the cash in his hand while offering a hearty “God bless you, brother.” As I hurried inside to enjoy a warm delicious meal I heard him thank me and offer me a return “God bless you”.

Now that is not an uncommon thing for me to do.  I usually find a way to extend a little money their way.  And I felt good about it because I had done what God asked me to do.

This time however was different.  Maybe it was because I have been wrestling this topic for a little while or maybe it was God not letting me get off so easy but as I thought about the “Street Guy”  I had a troubling realization.  I could not picture his face.  Had I even looked?  I surely don’t remember making eye contact.  My goal was to do my duty, be sure God saw me do it and get to lunch… not to extend the love of Christ in any personal way but as a token gesture to assuage my potential guilt for walking into the restaurant and leaving one of those that Jesus called ” the least of these” sitting alone on a cold sidewalk outside. (Read Matthew 25:31 The Sheep and the Goats)

How many of us approach an intersection where someone stands on the corner with a cardboard sign asking for help and we do everything in our power to avoid stopping right beside them.  We pretend to fiddle with the radio, or look through our purses, or hold our hands to shield our eyes as if we are being blinded by the sun… We think if we don’t look at them, we can dodge the tug at our heart to care about their situation, and go on about our day as if the encounter never happened.  And IF we do roll down our window and give an offering out of our abundance, is it because our hearts are breaking for that person? … or because we heard it said in some recent Sunday morning message that we are supposed to be generous because God loves us? Do we look them in the eye.

“But wait!” … “What if they are just going to use my money to buy drugs or alcohol or cigarettes.  Or maybe they aren’t homeless or out of work, maybe they are just lazy or running a scam.”  Well maybe those are ALL true. So what. Whether we give OR NOT should have nothing to do with the what happens when the cash leaves our hands. What  is important is found in the answer to the actor’s question.  What is our motivation?  Lets ask the director.

One of the last instructions Jesus gave his followers came in the form of “a new commandment”… that we love one another as Jesus loved us… selflessly serving and caring for one another in a way that is astounding to those who are exposed to it… a love based not in performance but based in the pure, unwarranted love of the creator for his creation… like the loving parent whose heart swells to overflowing as their eyes connect with the smiling eyes of their child.

I venture to say that when Jesus was approached by those whose lives were broken, he did not divert his gaze but instead looked directly into the window of their soul with a love and understanding that defies logic.  They didn’t earn his attention or his touch.  He loved them and saw past the external to their fractured lives and was filled with compassion. His heart was broken for those who reached out to him for help and for those who nailed him to a tree…”Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing…” that is Love.

And THAT selfless love should be our only motivation… anything else is about us.

So today, as I pose the question, “How do I love thee?”,   it has less to do with the intent of Ms Browning’s sonnet to elaborate on the feelings and expressions of love and more to do with what it means to LOVE like THAT… like Jesus…  loving and caring for ALL who “happen upon” our path.  How do we do it. How do we care about people enough to look past an exterior that makes us uncomfortable … to reach out not because we are told to, or expected to, or to look like a hero, but because WE HAVE TO! Because we have no choice;  Not motivated by duty, not motivated by reward, not motivated by ego… Motivated by a “Jesus kind ‘o love.”

How do I love thee- without expectation of something in it for me?  How do I love thee- when you may not seem worthy of love?  How do I love thee- when your presence calls me out of my comfort zone to make eye contact and seek your heart?  How do I love thee- so much that my heart breaks with compassion at the recognition of your pain and circumstance?

How do I love thee- like Jesus?

This life changing question seems to be rearing it’s head in virtually every area of my life.

Well, we know that Jesus started with his inner circle, sacrificially pouring his love and understanding into the lives of those in His closest circles. And maybe that is where we start too.  How do I love my wife selflessly even though she hurt my feelings and I feel justified in being a butt..  How do I love the people I work with, even when they let me down…  How do I love the people in my church who obviously just don’t get IT… How do I love that guy sleeping on the bench who stinks to high heaven… I stand in the dark and I call out HOW do I love THEE?  We thee, you thee, us thee, them thee, the other thee…. HOW do I LOVE thee…

I guess I have always thought it all comes down to me…but really, it all comes down to Jesus. .. the source and sustainer of ALL love. The ONLY love we can offer to ANYONE comes from God.  Remember the verse… “God is Love”?  So it only makes sense that if I plug into the source his energy will flow through me.

I am finding that as I seek a closer relationship with my creator, He shows me richer and deeper ways that loves me, in spite of me! I am overwhelmed by His goodness and as I watch his amazing grace poured out on my life, I get it!  When we open ourselves to the overwhelming unconditional love that God wants to bathe us in, we are filled with His love to overflowing  …. it has to go somewhere… somewhere out there.

I pray that it overflows on thee… then look em in the eye and Love ’em like Jesus!!

Gen3:9  Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” 11And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”…

When I first decided to give this blog a rebirth, I never imagined it would be such a struggle to push the “Publish” button. That night, I finished the rewrite…. then I hovered around it…. sat beside it…. read it…. re-read it… hovered some more… and then hit the button… a back and forth saga that lasted about forty five minutes.

I really thought I would feel a sense of excitement once the trigger was pulled, but instead a cloud of uneasiness, a sense of dread even, settled over me and I was suddenly afraid.  Why?  What was I afraid of? Initially many seemed supportive so I should have been fine.

Perhaps it was because, in a sense, I had committed myself to be naked in front of you.

I don’t like looking at myself naked… either physically or figuratively. Physically I am a middle aged man with a soft belly and man boobs divided by vertical scar that serves as a constant reminder of my mortality.  And in spite of my wife telling me I am cute, I completely understand that my days in a Speed-o are over… well… maybe I never looked good in a Speed-o, but you know what I mean.

Figuratively, like for many of us, looking at the nakedness of who we REALLY are is often intimidating, stressful and many times disappointing.

Whether you are a biblical scholar or not, you are all probably familiar with the story of Adam and Eve.  In a nutshell God made these two beautiful creatures and plunked these crazy kids down in a lush garden paradise.  All they had to do was enjoy.  But instead they decided to go exploring and got tricked into doing something that God told them not to.  In the eating of the forbidden fruit, they took upon themselves the power to determine what is right and what is wrong and forever saddled mankind with the need to wrestle with expectations and to guard and protect ourselves from showing our shortcomings and making ourselves vulnerable.

Do you think Adam and Eve were hiding from God because their bodies were uncovered.  No, God knew every inch of their bodies… He made them!  I believe the fig leaves had more to do with their nakedness before each other than God.  I believe they were more afraid of God seeing the nakedness of their heart. They realized what they had done, and experienced guilt as a result of disobeying their creator. The Bible calls that sin.

On the outside, we cover up with the finest fig leaves and present the image that we have it all together and are living good lives… and that may be true… on the outside.  But what about inside? … What about our hearts? … What about our thought life?  What about our real attitudes about certain people and circumstances?  If your coworkers could look inside you head and watch a movie of what is actually going through your mind, would you be comfortable with that?  What about your spouse or family?   What about your best friend?  Can you transparently show the real you to your best friend?

We hide behind our figurative fig leaves because we are afraid that if anyone really knew the real us, we would be shunned… even ostracized.  But what about God?

Were Adam and Eve able to hide their failure from God?  God asked, “Why are you hiding” and their response was “we’re naked”… God asked, “Who told you that” or “Why do you feel that way”, did you do what I told you not to?”   They could not hide their weaknesses and failures from God.  Neither can we.

That is an important realization for me as I begin this quest to discover more deeply who I am in Christ. I seek to develop the kind of relationship with him that is rich, joyful and freeing; one that spills over in love and impacts all those other naked souls I meet. But I can’t do it without getting naked.

One of the struggles we face is that we believe we are terminally unique in our “inner man”… that NOBODY could imagine accepting us if they only knew the kinds of things we think about or do behind closed doors.  Well I have news for you.  Nothing in your head or in your heart is a surprise to God.  He knows it all already and your are not the only one to have ever had those thoughts, feelings or desires.  God surrounds us with others who can understand on many levels and who can relate and help your realize you are not alone.

I think everyone needs at least one person that they can be completely transparent with.  The bible tells us to share our burdens with one another, but that can be hard since so many of us have seen “the army of the church” shoot its wounded.  So we need to be careful of who we open up to.  We can’t just trust anyone with our heart. Find someone who loves you enough that they would hold your heart carefully and privately.  Who knows, you may find they have things they struggle with too and could use your ear.

Most importantly we have to glimpse God’s love for us.  All the housecleaning he wants to do in us if for our benefit…  Not to hold us down or to take away the fun in life, but to give us a chance to live life the way he intended; Joyful and Free. I believe he yearns to walk through life with us and to guide us and protect as we parents would our children.

King David said this in the Psalms 139, ” 23Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; 24And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.”

That is my prayer today… that God search my heart… look through every nook and cranny of my thoughts, every attitude, even my worries and see if there is anything offensive, and if there is lead me out of it.  Even typing this makes me nervous… nervous because if I invite him in, he will bring me to a change in heart no matter how painful or uncomfortable the surgery may be.

May of 2001, after experiencing some weakness on the golf course, my wife convinced me to see the doctor.  They determined it was time for a heart cath to look inside.  I will never forget the cardiologist looking down at me on the table and ask, “Mike, do you have a surgeon?”  A SURGEON????   The disease in my heart was so advanced that I needed bypass surgery.  I tried to fend off his suggestions with assurances that I would come in next week after I got some things taken care of, but he would hear none of it.  If I expected to be alive next week, the surgery would be in the morning. Needless to say, I was again naked and afraid.

I know if, like David, I honestly ask God to search my heart, then like the surgeon he will act on whatever he finds.  As I look back, the Quadruple Bypass I received on that table not only kept me alive but gave me back the quality of life that didn’t even realize was gone.  I believe that as I become more transparent and I am shown and acknowledge my problem areas that God in his mercy and faithfulness will do what ever necessary to arrest the “Heart Disease” and move me forward to an every increasing quality of life that leaves its mark wherever I go… And that is what I am counting on.

If you know what I am talking about, then I hope you will please consider bringing in a faithful friend, calling the surgeon and getting ride of those things that seek to destroy you. Get back your joy, your hope… your life. GET NAKED!